The Myth of Normal 136

the young. Recall, these are the chemicals that, blended, form a “love cocktail” released by natural labor. Skin-to-skin contact and suckling also elicit their flow in the mother. The physiology of infant and parent is thus coregulated by their interactions, and the effect of these interactions—or their absence—can be imprinted in the young human for a lifetime. Likewise, in the dearth of such interactions, parenting instincts may become muted, with long-term consequences for the parent-child relationship.[9] In this, as in other crucial ways, our culture has become contact-starved. Let’s remind ourselves that civilization, beginning with the Neolithic revolution and the advent of agriculture, is but a blip in the course of our species’ existence, no more than twelve thousand years out of the millions that hominins have trod the earth and the estimated two hundred thousand years or less since our own species arrived on the scene. Until then, and in many places until much more recently—even up to today, in a few isolated locations—people lived in small-band hunter-gatherer groups. “The common early experiences of our ancestors (and cousins, the small-band huntergatherers) provided a social commons for the development of human nature —the essence of being human,” writes Dr. Darcia Narvaez. (Italics hers.) The research she has surveyed identified seven early childrearing practices shared by hunter-gatherer groups, practices that constitute what she calls the “evolved nest.” As you read this list, I invite you to compare the experiences it includes with those of the average baby or toddler of our own time. Amid the stresses generated by our culture, even educated middle-class parents are challenged to provide these needs—if they are even aware of them: Soothing perinatal experience Prompt responsiveness to the needs of the infant and prevention of distress Extensive touch and constant physical presence, including touch with movement (carrying and holding) Frequent, infant-initiated breastfeeding for two to five years, with four as the average weaning age